Aeropress

Does this sound familiar?

You walk into your kitchen at the crack of dawn (which is 5:14am because you're in Chicago and it's June) and you try to make yourself an instant coffee.

But oh no! The instant coffee is filled with roaches (because it sucks and they also suck)! So you turn to your $7,000 coffee espresso machine, but alas you left it at your other mansion. Your last resort, eating pure coffee grounds, feels like the one warm reprieve in this cruel cruel world.

Then the aeropress is the product for you! Just add coffee grounds and hot water! Give it a little squeeze and observe a creation so pure and efficient it might as well be Kali Linux!